Becoming a stay at home mom was a really abrupt, unexpected transition for me, and I fought it for a while. The first month or so was…not great. I was burnt out from teaching remotely and caring for a baby simultaneously for the previous 5 months, and I just wanted a break. So, quitting my job came at the perfect time, right? Now, I could stay at home and chill with LG while we watched TV and ate snacks.

In case you’re new to the idea of babies, “chill” is not a concept they understand. Cry? They have that down. Demand attention? Yep, can do. Need something (loudly) the second Mom sits down for the first time all day? Totally. But chill? Not so much.

So our first month at home together was rough. I went into it expecting some summer vacation-esque down time, and she went into it expecting her needs to be met. How selfish (of her).

Now that we are about 3 months in, we’ve gotten into a groove, and things have been going much better. Not to brag, but this is entirely because of me. In addition to “chill,” babies also don’t compromise, so LG was zero help in this department. It took a conscious mindset shift on my part, along with some proactive strategies to make sure I don’t lose my mind every day.

Here is a list of things that have changed the way I stay-at-home-mom.

1. Understanding that this is a job.
   I’m putting this first because it is the biggest factor that helps me enjoy this time at home with LG. Once I realized this wasn’t going to be vacay, I became a better mom. It’s not that I quit working when I left teaching, it’s that I changed jobs. I am now self-employed, and my job tasks include caring for a tiny human, a dog, and a household. The pay sucks, and the hours are insane, but the benefits are pretty great.
   
2. Waking up early.
   Since LG was born, I have always gotten up earlier than her so I can change clothes and brush my teeth before she needs me. I knew I needed that time to myself to start the day, or I would be frantic and irritable all day. Now that I recognize this as my job, I (usually) wake up at the time I did when I was teaching: 5:15AM. This gives me plenty of time to accomplish personal goals before LG wakes up for the day. I am no longer trying to fit my needs in while she’s awake and then getting irritated when she won’t let me.
   
3. Establishing a routine.
   I am someone who thrives on routine and schedules. I love a good list, and having a set of expectations to meet helps me feel productive and safe. Obviously babies are not sticklers for schedules, so it has some flexibility (that’s where my teacher training comes in), but we hit the highlights at about the same time every day. I wake up at 5:15; LG gets up at 8:00; she eats lunch at 11, naps at 11:30, and Dad takes over at 5:30 so I can make dinner. In between, we change up the activities we do (as much as we can while trapped at home during a pandemic), but we stick to the important times on the schedule. This helps days feel somewhat predictable, but not Groundhog’s Day predictable like they did the first month.
   
4. Making nap time sacred.
   I am the textbook definition of an introvert, and as such, I need a lot of time to myself to recharge. You know who doesn’t care about that? LG. She isn’t really interested in giving me “one single minute to myself” (a common phrase used in my household), but she is interested in following my into the bathroom every time I have to go. “Me time” and “personal space” are not things she cares about. But, she does nap. I used to try to fit in all the things I wanted/needed to do during these naps. I would try to work out, shower, eat lunch, do chores, read, watch TV, write, and think all in the 1.5-3 hours she was down. Obviously, this was impossible, and it left me feeling annoyed at her when she woke up because I wasn’t done with all the things yet! Because LG doesn’t deserve a mom who is mad at her for waking up (not my proudest parenting moment, but it is what it is), I decided to change things up. I now work out, shower, and read before she wakes up for the day (Which is why I get up so early. For me, nap time is more important than sleep.). I do my chores for the day after LG wakes up and has milk because that is when she is best at playing independently. That leaves nap time open for actual relaxing and recharging, so when she wakes up, I am ready to go for the second half of the day.
   
5. Going on walks.
   This is a really minor thing, but I swear it saves my sanity every day. As discussed in a previous post, babies are kind of boring. We play and play and play, and it is still 3 hours until nap time. Then, we move to another room and play some more, and wow, now only 2 hours and 45 minutes. Going on walks gets us out of the house, soaking in sunshine, and takes up 30-45 minutes. When LG was new, I heard the advice that when babies are fussy and you don’t know what to do with them, put them in water (bath, sink, baby pool), or take them outside. I took this to heart, and Girlfriend loves being outside. And I love listening to podcasts instead of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song. Win win.

This was a long one, but I haven’t written in a while, and apparently had a lot to say. There are a few other things that should be included on this list, but we’ll get to them another time. I am so grateful for this magic season of my life, but I am also grateful for the things I’ve learned so far to help me not want to strangle everyone in my house at the end of every day. Stay-at-home mom win!