Things are so heavy right now, you guys.

It seems like the only thing we hear is bad news. People are dying, children are in danger, other countries are struggling, and everyone blames everyone else. It’s crushing. I feel like it’s coming at me from all angles. There’s nowhere I can go to escape.

And the thing is, it’s important to know. I can’t just escape like my mind so desperately wants me to because a lot of the news concerns the health and safety of my family. And in order to be prepared for my family and be a contributing member of society, there are some things I have to pay attention to, even if I don’t want to.

But it’s all just so much.

Any day now, I will be bringing a precious new life into this world. A whole new member of our family is about to join us. She will be tiny and innocent and brand new. And I don’t feel like I can really celebrate that with everything going on. It feels like the joy of this time is being hugely overshadowed by fear and anger and grief and anxiety. Like sure, a new baby is exciting, but have you thought about how unsafe it is to be going to a hospital right now? It’ll be so nice to have her home, but remember no one can visit because things are scary out there right now. I wish I could spend all day thinking about what it will be like to have this sweet girl in my arms, but I can’t seem to block out the constant noise of the bad things happening everywhere. It’s like every time I start to let myself relax and feel happy, something new pops up to remind me that things are still terrible.

It feels unfair.

LG hasn’t exactly had the most normal childhood so far, but at least we got to celebrate her birth. At least I could spend my days thinking about her and planning for her and being excited to meet her. At least her arrival was just pure joy.

I wish so badly it could be that way for Baby Sis too. I want to feel light and joy and excitement during this time because she so deserves it. I want friends and family to remember how special she is even with everything else going on. I want this life changing event to feel life changing. I want to feel like this is the very most important thing happening right now, because it really should be.

But I can’t seem to set down the weight of the world.