I’m going to start writing again.

I somehow formed this idea that if I don’t have a solid topic and a good opening line, I don’t have anything to write about. I have always gone through waves of “being a writer,” on for a few months and off again for the next few when I’ve worked through whatever feelings I needed to get out. It’s usually in winter time that I need to unload my thoughts on the world (thanks, SAD). But, man, as we start the month of July, the middle of my most favorite season of the year, I have some FEELINGS. And I need them to go somewhere outside of my brain, so here we are.

Things are hard, hard, hard right now. It feels like wave after wave is just crashing into us as a society, shoving us back under water as soon as we think we’ll be able to take a breath. Every morning is a new guessing game of what terrible thing is going to happen to the world today. I am struggling with feeling all the things and also wanting to escape. I have little kids at home that need me for something every second of the day, so I shove my feelings away so I can be an attentive mom. And then by the time I have a minute to sit and think, I am so drained from being an attentive mom that I don’t want to spend the precious down time I have feeling hard feelings. Often, I try to escape to social media, but as everyone is also feeling these same hard feelings and sharing about them, it is not much of an escape.

It’s July 4th today. Happy Independence Day, I guess. Doesn’t feel very happy or independent to me. I love a good dress up/theme day, so I am feeling extra resentful on this particular occasion because I don’t want to celebrate you today, America. But I do want to wear red, white, and blue and dress my kids up in cute star-spangled things. But it’s NOT FOR YOU.

My house is overrun with weevils. It is horrible, and they are all over. Apparently weevils are not harmful in any way to people, and they probably came in with some food product we purchased, but I am really ready for them to leave. I don’t want weevil roommates anymore. I have cleaned the whole house, cleaned out the pantry, put all food items into air-tight containers and bags, and yet they are still around. I know it is not a reflection on me even slightly, but it does make me feel like a bad housekeeper/wife/mother/person that my family has to share a home with these tiny terrors.

There’s a lot more that I need to get out of my brain, but I set a timer for 15 minutes, and it is about to go off, so that’s all you get today. Society is a difficult place to be, and so is my house because of the weevils. Happy 4th of July. I hope you dress up and celebrate if that’s what you like to do, and I hope you ignore the day if that is what feels right to you. I hope you can relax and have fun, and I hope you can remember that there is still so much work to do. Life is hard and life is worth it. Both/and.

Talk again soon. Maybe. No promises.